Smaller Desks, Bigger Brains

I've observed this weird phenomenon. In elementary we are given huge desks with magnificent tote trays to hide our Halloween candy and crayons in. Popularity was based solely on who had the biggest pack of crayons--the 84 pack was a dream come true. Oh the burnt umbers and royal blues to chew on!


In middle school, the desks are reduced in size and a chair is firmly screwed into the desk. Apparently chairs can be hazardous in the hands of a pubescent 7th grader filled with Totinos pizza rolls and teenage angst. Belongings are kept in lockers that you had five minutes to race to and exchange books. Little glitzy pink purses swung on every girls shoulder and every cool guy gelled his hair.

College: the desks are the size of one notebook. I'd think with more responsibility comes more desk room, but universities think otherwise.
 It's like the older you get, apparently the more adept you become at balancing all your books and taking lecture notes at the same time. This is not the case.

 I think the dean just wants to watch the world burn.

 Probably once a week in my critical theory class one of us drops the massive ten pound book onto the floor, trying to juggle notebooks, note taking, and reading on one baby sized desk. This is mortifying. For the professor to acknowledge your disturbance is even more so.

 (the third day of class my phone went off and just like in middle school my professor actually said, "If it goes off again, Amy I'll have to take it next time." I think he was trying to make a joke but it was super awkward for all of us... )

So for any prospective students visiting a college classroom, your going to see many different things:


Downward facing dog: The lazy student, only skilled at one position: placing the notebook futilely on top of the book your back has suffered to haul to school. For beginners.

Warrior 3: Balance your textbook half on your desk and half on your knee. Any limb will work as a surface actually. Optimize space and every inch of skin you've got. To ease into the pose, stretch before attempting and wear knee guards. For advanced students only.

Childs pose: For that student who just knocked off their crap from their desk. It all lands halfway across the room during the peak of the professors lecture. There is no getting up to retrieve the items unless you want to experience extreme humiliation. The only thing you can do is put your head down and hope that person three desks away will pick it up for you.

Crow: A pretzel of a move. Not for the advanced students, but for the student who just caused a tidal wave with their coffee-- knocking off their steaming  cup of joe with their critical theory textbook. The piercing glares of the classmates coerce the student to shamefully attempt this move, while cleaning up their mess, for spilling coffee all over their new bags.

Warrior 2: the late student pose; a natural saunter past the professor never works, but they try anyways, stretching their toes and extending their hands to keep their bag from falling down.

Anyways... not only have the desks been shrunken by a shrink ray, but no lockers are offered to students. Even though the books have gotten five times heavier. Oh well. Guess I'll just have to do a little stretching before class now to attempt these positions. I think I'll try warrior 3 next time.